i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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