You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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