the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
