God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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