Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
