I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
