just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
