I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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