Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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