Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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