I think I am morally bankrupt
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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