***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You smell like stripper and shame
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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