my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
