DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
