She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
