Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
