is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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