I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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