i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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