Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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