I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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