Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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