I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
