using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
