she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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