i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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