im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
