I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
