you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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