why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
