Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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