you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
