How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
