So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
