Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
