Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
