i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
