hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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