I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
