Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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