Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
