I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
