Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
