just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
