Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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