it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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