Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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