Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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