I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
