Hey man sorry I got all grabby
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
