I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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