if you like me you must not know who I am
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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