Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mom said you looked used
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
