Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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