My friends, they love my intelligence
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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