I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We need a shit load of segways right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
