Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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