My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
as a side note pls kill me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
