all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
