we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
