Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
