are you so shy because you have an std?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
