just tell him i said nine months
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
