a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
