nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
