I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
