I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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