A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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