dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
