her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
