Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
