Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
