I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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