YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
