Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
