More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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