I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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