I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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