Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
