if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
