I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize