if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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