Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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