You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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