Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she told me i tasted like america
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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