The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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